Paper Street Soap Company

she is gorgeous<3

i thought this time last year that by now i would have my life together. i'd be in college getting a degree in some field that's perfect for me. i'd have my life all sorted out, knowing exactly what i want.
 
instead i'm just floating around doing nothing of importance. and what's worse is that the people around me, the people who supposedly "care" about me, they're just letting me do it. they're letting me waste my life.
 
it's times like these that make me turn back to my old ways. establish some control in the only way i know how. and then i can get my act together.
 
everything in my life is wrong. everything.

with jimi.
monday.
.............
.............
it's been one too many times,
goodbye,goodbye.

so i've gotta read |to kill a mockingbird| and do a research paper on it by monday.
 
three cheers for summer school! >.<

oh. my. god.
 
took my sister to five guys to get her food before her dance.
JASON WAS WORKING!!!
omg i havent seen him in forever
hes amazing i love him
we have this playful bickering slash teasing ben thing going thats just super fun
ben took our order
jason comes over and goes "dont charge them for drinks"
(cuz they dont charge for drinks if they know you)
and ben just stares at jason in shock because of course ben is the whole reason jason knows me in the first place lol
so ben just goes "i know"
haha then jason says to me
"you know this guy always talks about you"
and im like "oh really?"
and ben is staring at him
and has this look on his face like "why did you just tell her that?"
but an awkward smile to cover it up
and hes going bright red
and jason goes "haha your getting so red man"
and i laugh
and then jason says how ben always talks about me
and then he talks about me for hours after i show up
and thats why he doesnt get home til so late because they sit in the parking lot talking about me for hours after they close up
and i go "oh i doubt that"
and jason goes "its true! he gets so happy when you come here!"
and im just like oh wow lol but pretend i dont believe it
for bens sake
cuz he looked like he was about to die of embarrassment
 
OH MY GOSH
OH MY GOSH
OH MY GOSH
OH MY GOSH
this means he might seriously like me...
OH
MY
FRICKIN
GOSH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
anyway
it was a fun time
then i took liv to her dance
and texted ben a little bit
 
i personally
am so happy right now
but when i got home
it occured to me
that ben could be saying bad things about me
how annoying i am
how much i bother him
how much he hates me
but... i dont wanna sound conceited
i know im nothing special
and im really annoying and shiit
but i dont think ben HATES me
and the way he acted when jason said how much he talks about me..
it was really really..
it reminded me of how he got with me mr h talking about griffen thing
except with that he was defensive
and he wasnt saying anything when jason was teasing him
he just had this "you douche i cant believe you said that shut the eff up" look on his face
and when i told sky
she said it was probly cuz he didnt want you to think he likes griffen because he likes you
i personally think thats stretching it...
lol
 
anyway
im like...tired
but like...
omg
lol
ahhhh
just the possibility that he could like me... its exciting
oh
and another thing
is allan today
said how much ben talks about me
he was like "you and ben talk about each other a lot"
and im like "oh he talks about me?"
and hes like "yeah all the time"
and im like "good things i hope"
and hes like "yep but whenever i say how fine your ass is he looks like he wants to hurt me"
i love allan
and jason
and ben
<3
lolz

I don't miss you anymore.

for first period
ben assigned homework thursday
and i still havent done it
so i have to turn it in thursday
and its a story
based on the raven
its like something comes and visits you
and tells you stuff
and
idk what to do
and he was NAWT helpful
so any ideas?
of serious things that could come visit me
i mean they dont have to be serious serious
but i mean serious ideas
lol something i could actually show a teacher
i know its a challenge for you guys
but i believe in you(:

today i ran with scissors and swallowed mouth wash. i didn't die.
MLIA.
 
-
 

t has modelling stuff to do
courtney teased me saying she could go
now shes saying shes sick and cant
so that leaves nichole
who...just...ugh no
lauren..who again..just no
matt...love you hun but you and ben would be a big no no
aaand thats pretty much it for my friends around here
that. sucks.
 
maybe i should try to read...